Wednesday had arrived. Fresh had been told legendary myths by previous DOD, now turned worst social sec in the world, Ian Donald. Seniors were eager to get stuck in once more; the ultimate goal being to enhance the international reputation of UBCC. Start time was, unsurprisingly, delayed due to inclement weather and a sorely hungover social sec chundering at 10am. The number of UBCC shirts and ties present were slightly depleted due to a certain fresh not being able to handle the week’s antics even before attending social, with Michael Barnes claiming, that Oscar Jenkyn-Jones was spitting blood and not beer in his morning routine. Inmate Harry Harding turned up with the worst lid of the year. Special mention also goes to the exclusion of the 40 year old Italian woman from this year’s squad and inclusion of James Fischer, with selectors claiming, much to the dismay of fans, that The White Jacket was ruined in a wash.
The umpire signalled the start of play and the players set off, with a lubricated Donald bringing up the rear, to allegedly make sure no one got lost, but in reality, not being able to see straight. Leisurely runs were undertaken with several hydration breaks squeezed onto lifts. Steadily the pace increased and the UBCC were flying down the slopes. Most shirt and ties flapping graciously in the wind, however questions are still unanswered over Harry Hickey replacing his shirt with a vest. Rumours were that he packed for an American Football social, but after realising that Jocks and skis don’t mix, opted for more sophisticated chat. Plans were agreed upon to try several blacks and reds because we were flare. However, after contacting tardy Joe Totterdell the team stopped for a lengthier break.
The ambitious plans were soon scrapped in favour of employing Donald’s most prized possession; the funnel. As daunting as it looked every member stepped up to the plate and performed. A local began to circle the UBCC, obviously attracted to the fine chopping skills on display. A mention does go to Charlie Fletcher when Donald, standing for democracy but being a dictator, decided deserved the DOD title for boasting his prudence when discovering 2 litres of wine for €2.78. However he soon awarded it the worst wine in the world and did not stop complaining till the end of play.
The DOD title was safely secured when skiing down to the lift to Après Charlie Fletcher decided to try and show off the prowess of the UBCC skiing team. However the manoeuvre attempted simply snapped the binding off his ski for the second time that week. After multiple deserved insults, the lads left him behind to sort out his life. Funnels and drinking continued outside La Folie Douce. Fischer finished his staple cognac and started his second pack of darts that day.
UBCC entered Folie Douce seriously lubricated. Fischer preferred 2 darts to one at all times. Fresh Mikey who is Louis proceeded to do a pint out of his ski boot and rose brilliantly to the task. DOD gave into peer pressure and did the same, because we like fun unlike Callam Goldthorp, but wore most of the sweaty pint. Harding was seen attempting to no ball a married woman, but then after her refusal attempted to acquire her digits. UBCC’s relationship with hockey improved when they accepted their deliveries were illegal due to overstepping of the foot and chopped their pints. Matt Crane was spotted in the crowd and hailed a virg because he was on Futsal social which isn’t even a sport. Furthermore there was unanimous agreement that Bertie Lloyd is indeed taller than a tree, and UBCC made sure the general public became aware of the fact.
After a raucous Folie, slightly fragile members carefully skied down. This did not stop Donald’s ski “just falling off” and Harding’s ski poles and telephone wandering astray at their own accord. Meanwhile Totts, whilst absolutely steaming, confidently tackled his first red run, which not many can remember. The end of play was called after Folie due to high levels of intoxication and terrible navigation skills. However all parties involved agree that the day’s play was exceptionally farcical, with all members on outstanding form. Till next year.
P.S. Our local was later spotted passed out in a car in town, unable to keep up with UBCC antics.
Tea rating A* - we love beer.
DOTD – Charlie Fletcher for wine complaints and breaking his ski again.