Oliver Newcombe reports from UWE:
The 4XI’s faced their second game of the season against the inferior sporting and academic local rivals, the UWE 2XI. With Bristol fielding first, their openers got off with a flyer hitting boundaries of our opening bowlers, Louis Richards and Alessandro Poynton. The breakthroughs were reached when Ale bagged his first UoB wicket with his first ball, a swinging delivery that bowled the UWE opener clean on middle and off, this earnt Ale the ‘most stylish player’ award rightfully. Another breakthrough was achieved by Richards when he got an edge off UWE’s captain and most promising batsman, a tubby well powered Welshman. Richards, would consistently bowl with gas ripping apart the UWE middle order with a near hatrick as his lethal Yorkers caused more problems for the already troubled UWE players. Bristol’s momentum was slowed however when a shoddily dressed player with just a UWE t-shirt came and revived what was earlier a woeful attempt of an innings for UWE- an enigmatic dialect between two players would offer UWE some middle order stability. However, wickets started to fall again on UWE’s tail despite awful catching attempts from Elliot Derby who dropped an absolute dolly straight up in the air which made him the ‘wet sandwich’ due to his temporary dispraxia. Jenkyn- Jones gained a well-deserved wicket caught and bowled after 9 overs of economical leg spin. The innings of UWE which should have been halted much earlier was finally ended with Richards gaining a five-wicket haul with an edged drive to cover, this entitled Richards to gain ‘Man of the Match’, UWE ended with 140 runs off around 35 overs.
The teas were surprisingly adequate despite the farce that is UWE. The consensus was that the teas should be rated at 6.5/10 with a fairly consistent mixture of squash. There was a good volume of food however, it would appear it would be in the form of quantity rather than pure quality. The existence of own-brand crisps from Aldi let down what would have otherwise had been a ‘decent tea’. The existence of scones and proper tea would have allowed UWE’s match teas to enter the tier above 7, however, this would not be the case, regardless a good effort. Who knows a career in catering after UWE might be a suitable career choice?
After a long tea, with too many sandwiches being consumed from the top order batsmen as would later illustrate, Bristol arrived at the crease needing 140 off 50 overs. Newcombe and Singh appeared to offer some test style defence with rather full bellies against the swinging UWE openers until Newcombe left a swinging and seeming corker from the UWE captain which crashed into middle and off, along with his crap newly coloured lid he attained in Newcastle after a night out this meant he was crowned the ‘dick of the day’. Rohit offering some very unusual restraint then swung his bat and mistimed the ball to mid-on for 4. Fletcher and Hickey then came to the crease and appeared to offer some stability with a partnership until Hickey thought he was Usain Bolt and preceded to run himself out of which the grouchy umpire at the end of his game questioned his rather shoddy running between the wickets. Fletcher hit a solid 26 until he was caught. With Bristol at 64-4 their positon looked questionable, until the partnership of Poynton and Cairns materialised. The 6ft 4 Aussie pinged the ball around the boundary off the bowling of many UWE players with unorthodox bowling actions hitting a straight 6 and four more boundaries which led him to score 39* overall. Cairns remained instrumental in supporting the innings of Poynton as he hit a well-deserved 18. The winning runs were finally won when UWE bowled more wides, a reflection of their overall performance it would seem. The UoB 4XI ended winning the match against the local rivals by 5 wickets at Nailsea CC.
Bath Ales MOTM: Louis Richards for his 5 wicket haul
WG Grace Stylish Player of the Match A. Poynton for 39 not out and debut wickets
NibNibs Perfect Catch of the Match Oscar JJ for a diving caught and bowled
Chai Pani DOTD: Oliver Newcombe - poor bating, probably due to his new shit lid.
Sandwich Sandwich Wet Sandwich of the Match: Elliot Derby for dyspraxic catching attempts